Brian Tashman's blog

Gohmert For Speaker! Meet The Two Far-Right Republicans Hoping To Oust John Boehner

A small group of House Republicans has pledged to vote against John Boehner’s reelection as Speaker of the House, and Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, and Rep. Ted Yoho, R-Florida, have thrown their hats in the race.

The two challengers have earned reputations as far-right politicians even among the deeply conservative House GOP conference. Conservative media pundits have cheered on the two congressmen, both of whom have quite a history of wild rhetoric and policy positions:

Ted Yoho

  • Insisted Obamacare is racist against white people because it taxes tanning beds: “It’s a racist tax and I thought I might need to get to a sun tanning booth so I can come out and say I’ve been disenfranchised because I got taxed because of the color of my skin.”
  • Sponsored the bill to block Obama’s executive action on immigration (which passed 219-197), explaining: “To vote no against the bill is to vote no against the Constitution.”

Louie Gohmert

Larry Klayman's 2015 Predictions: Ebola, Race War And Dictatorship

Conservative lawyer and pundit Larry Klayman, who has for years dreamed of overthrowing President Obama with a popular uprising or a military coup, dedicates his first WorldNetDaily column of the new year to outlining the reasons to “rid the nation of the evil emperor in the White House” in 2015.

Klayman describes Obama as a “truly evil” leader who is “more dangerous than the terrorists themselves” and predicts that the U.S. will see a “massive epidemic” of Ebola in 2015 as a result of the president’s policies inviting “suicide terrorists” to “infect themselves and sneak into our country with the disease.” He adds that immigration reform will lead to a crime wave while the president and his allies launch an all-out race war.

“Once their job is complete, these treacherous traitors will be free to snuff out all remaining vestiges of freedom and erect their form of socialist dictatorship permanently,” he predicts.

Here are looming crises to watch in 2015 – which could send our country and the rest of the free world into a tailspin if not a death spiral.

First, thanks in large part to Obama’s pro-Islamic policies and actions, the Middle East is likely to explode. It’s not just ISIS that presents this real imminent threat, or the re-emergence of its rival terrorist groups, but potentially fatal is the situation with Israel. Abandoned by Obama in its quest to prevent a nuclear Iran, the Jewish state will finally be forced into acting alone, to prevent another potential Holocaust. The mullahs in Tehran continue to threaten to wipe Israel off of the face of the earth, and they mean it. They cannot be permitted to even get close to assembling nuclear bombs, with the already existent means via intercontinental missiles to deliver them even to Western Europe.

Obama and his leftist comrades, however, continue to appease Iran, much like they do with Communist Cuba, thereby weakening significantly not only Israel’s national security but our own. But that is their goal – to bring the United States and its non-Muslim allies to their knees and make our nation into a mere fraction of what it used to be under the likes of President Reagan. Obama’s mission is not only truly treasonous, but also truly evil. He is more dangerous than the terrorists themselves, because he is destroying us from within, and the Republican opposition is standing by and watching this happen, “playing it safe, ” not wanting to offend anyone who might vote for their candidates and waiting for their chance to retake the White House in 2016. But by then, it could be too late, even were they really to do something then to save the republic.



Third, while somewhat dormant for now, expect an increase in deadly Ebola virus infections not just in West Africa, but here in our country. Not wanting to stem the flow of visitors from his native Africa, particularly from Liberia, Sierra Leon and other ravaged states, Obama continues to open the door to a real and imminent health crisis here at home. And, should suicide terrorists opt to infect themselves and sneak into our country with the disease, this likely prospect could well create a massive epidemic.

Fourth, there is the continuing looming catastrophe of open American borders, which indeed terrorists would be smart to exploit to further their ends. Obama’s unconstitutional amnesty, which I am challenging in court along with a number of his other scandals. Obama’s amnesty will allow many criminals loose to run free within our borders, deepening the worsening crime rate in many areas of the nation.

Fifth and hardly least, is the corrosive race war Obama and his racist friends such as the so-called Rev. Louis Farrakhan and the likes of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have been fomenting. This had not just led just to the deaths of more cops, but threatens all of us, including noble and courageous black conservatives who speak out and act against this Ku Klux Klan-like racism. Thanks to Obama and his fellow race baiters, the nation is being pulled apart at its seams. Today, Obama and his minions have ignited the racial and religious divides and driven the country into what is virtually open warfare among our diverse populations. They have cleverly done this to divide us and destroy our social fabric. Once their job is complete, these treacherous traitors will be free to snuff out all remaining vestiges of freedom and erect their form of socialist dictatorship permanently.

I would have liked to write a positive column this New Year’s. Indeed, over several cups of coffee on a balcony overlooking the majestic Atlantic Ocean this morning, I thought long and hard about being more optimistic. But I could not put my head in the sand that was across the road and pretend that all is well on the “western front.” It is not – and it’s time that We the People face reality and take hard, forceful legal steps in 2015 to legally rid the nation of the evil emperor in the White House, who is on the cusp of destroying all that is good about our great republic.

Rick Wiles: Gays, Secular Jews And Obama Jews Will Destroy America

On Monday, “Trunews” host Rick Wiles marked the end of 2014 by lamenting that all of his predictions about President Obama’s evil communist plans to foment a race war came true, but no one listened to him.

Let me ask you this question: Why is it so difficult for most people in America to realize that Barack Obama is a jihadist and that he has formally, officially switched sides in U.S. foreign policy? The U.S. now officially supports the Muslim terrorists and opposes Israel, it’s not that difficult to see what’s happening.

Here in the U.S.A., Barry Soetoro, alias Barack Obama, continues to lead his Marxist revolution to overthrow American society and its government. We have Marxist communists marching in the streets of U.S. cities chanting, ‘What do we want? Dead cops now.’ And what happens? Cops sitting in their cruiser get shot in the head. Is it any surprise that this is happening? I warned the American people in 2008 that Barack Obama is a dangerous Marxist communist revolutionary who will start race riots and another civil war and set America on fire. He’s getting away with his radical revolutionary agenda because people can’t believe it’s actually happening. It’s so surreal that people can’t bring themselves to admitting that a Marxist, communist revolution is actually underway in the United States of America.

Wiles later added that gains in marriage equality over the past several years have put America “in direct rebellion against God,” warning that the country has “gone over the morality cliff and the next sound you will hear will be the splat.”

And by “splat,” Wiles means nuclear holocaust, as he went on to suggest that God may punish the U.S. for legalizing same-sex marriage by launching a nuclear war with China that kills millions.

“So go ahead America and wallow around in your decadent, immoral homosexual sex, abortion of millions of babies and your bloody, gory movies, and the bloodshed and violence in your streets and the greed on Wall Street. I promise you there is an end to it coming very soon,” he said. “You allowed militant homosexuals, atheists and secular Jews to take control of your country and turn it into a cesspool of immorality, perversion, violence, rebellion, sorcery and witchcraft; my Bible says such a country will suffer sudden destruction.”

Unlike America, Wiles praised Russia for “building a modern-day Noah’s Ark” that is ready for the looming Last Days.

Ted Cruz: Your Two-Time Equine Posterior Achievement Award Winner

Congratulations to Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, who has won this year’s Equine Posterior Achievement Award, People For the American Way’s annual prize for the country's most extreme right-wing politician. Cruz won by a 21-point margin in a poll of PFAW members and Right Wing Watch readers, repeating his 2013 victory, when he beat out the likes of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin for the coveted award. The Texas Board of Education came in second place this year, emerging as a serious contender as a result of another round of historical revisionism, denial of climate change science and flirtation with Creationism.

Cruz ended the year by embarrassing himself when he pulled a stunt that backfired badly. The Texas senator and Tea Party darling hoped to humiliate President Obama and congressional leaders by challenging a bipartisan budget bill as a way to show his anger with the president’s recent executive actions on immigration.

Instead, Cruz’s maneuver was easily defeated, but it did give Senate Democrats the opportunity to put several judicial and executive nominees up for a vote before Republicans took control of the chamber, delighting Democrats while fomenting anger amongst Cruz’s fellow Republicans.

Such attention-grabbing political stunts are typical of Cruz, who spearheaded the opposition to a constitutional amendment to overturn the Supreme Court’s 2010 Citizens United decision by falsely claiming that the amendment would throw comedians in jail and muzzle pastors.

An anti-gay crusader, Cruz threatened civil disobedience to block the enforcement of gay rights measures, introduced new measures to prevent marriage equality, said same-sex marriage is “heartbreaking” and causes his heart to weep and alleged that gay rights laws will put pastors in prison.

Cruz also stood by lawless rancher Cliven Bundy , notorious for his racist remarks and refusal to recognize the U.S. government’s authority, while at the same time torpedoing the nomination of a noted civil rights attorney , whom he accused of “fanning…flames of racial tension.” Now, Cruz wants to go to war with net neutrality , although he doesn’t seem to have a clue about what net neutrality actually means.

So congratulations Sen. Cruz, or something.

The Year In Paranoia: The Five Craziest Right-Wing Conspiracy Theories Of 2014

2014 was a great year for conspiracy theorists running for office, but these extreme politicians couldn’t do it without the help of a conservative media bent on pushing outlandish conspiracy theories from the fringe into the mainstream. Here, gleaned from our weekly Paranoia-Rama, are the conspiracy theories that shaped the year.

Immigration Insanity

While the temporary increase in unaccompanied child migrants coming to the southern border this summer has since subsided, the children fleeing violence in Central America provoked a year’s worth of fear mongering and conspiracy theories from conservative commentators and politicians.

One member of Republican National Committee speculated that the children were actually anti-American “warriors” who would soon “rise up against us,” an anti-immigrant activist suggested that they were child soldiers bent on waging war against the U.S., and Phyllis Schlafly and Alex Jones told their audiences to start worrying about becoming slaves to immigrants.

Republican members of Congress came up with their own conspiracy theories. Rep. Mo Brooks of Alabama accused Democrats of using immigration as part of the party’s “war on whites,” Rep. Louie Gohmert of Texas said Democrats planned to turn the child migrants into illegal voters, Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota warned that the government would use the immigrant children “to do medical experimentation” and a whole host of GOP politicians falsely claimed that the child migrants were carrying Ebola, a disease that has still not infected a single known person in Central America or Mexico.

Ebola Ebola Ebola

Is anyone surprised that conservatives cynically turned a disease ravaging West Africa into a political attack on Democrats and immigration from Latin America? Republican officials and conservative pundits went as far as to suggest that President Obama would deliberately infect Americans, including military service members, with the disease as part of his nefarious, Big Government agenda, or to further his purported goal of punishing America.

What Turned The Kids Gay This Year?

The right-wing adage that gay people “cannot reproduce so they must recruit” children is still alive and well, and this year many anti-gay conservatives continued to worked overtime to propagate the homosexual recruitment myth. Televangelist Pat Robertson warned that Hollywood is turning children gay through “girl-on-girl movies,” while radio host Kevin Swanson said movies like “Frozen” are trying to “indoctrinate my five-year-old to be a lesbian.”

Gordon Klingenschmitt, a televangelist who was recently elected to the Colorado state legislature, said a Senate bill sponsored by Sen. Al Franken would “require pedophilia in all public schools” and “require pro-gay child recruiting.” He even hosted a whole show about how parents should avoid interactions with “a gay” lest he “recruit” their kids. Conservatives also railed against Common Core and other education efforts by warning that they would turn kids gay.

Gay Nazism

Religious Right leaders who hope to criminalize homosexuality and strip LGBT people of marriage rights and antidiscrimination protections are pretty sure that conservatives are the real victims of oppression. And they not afraid to use absurd historical analogies to prove their point.

Family Research Council President Tony Perkins charged that gay rights supporters are getting ready to “start rolling out the boxcars to start hauling off Christians” to concentration camps, Rick Santorum feared “reeducation camps” for gay rights opponents and pastor Scott Lively claimed gay people are using against conservatives “the same ‘blood libel’ used against the Jews by the Nazis.”

Others drew comparisons to slavery and Jim Crow, with Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association alleging that gay people have become “our new slave masters” who will “send us to the hole if we refuse the massa’s demands” and “Trunews” host Rick Wiles warning that Americans “will be saves” to the newly powerful “homosexuals and sodomites.” Wiles even said that gay people in America may soon realize Adolf Hitler’s dream of creating a “race of super gay male soldiers” who are determined to “slaughter” Christians.

Cliven Bundy Hysteria

Becoming vocal cheerleaders for Cliven Bundy — a Nevada rancher and anti-government extremist who refused to obey several court orders to pay decades of back grazing fees — may not have been the best idea for Republican politicians and Fox News pundits. Even Glenn Beck seemed horrified by the racist and violent messages coming from the Bundy ranch.

Bundy’s supporters, however, insisted that the government was using the Bundy standoff as a way to prepare for “civil war,” “mass graves,” “FEMA camps,” “tyranny” and “jihad.” After all, Bundy said that God was on his side.

GOP Congressman-Elect Barry Loudermilk Will Never Surrender In The War On Christmas

Republican congressman-elect Barry Loudermilk of Georgia wants to reassure his future constituents that he will never give in to the anti-Christmas belligerents. On “Washington Watch” this week, Loudermilk told Josh Duggar that he is looking forward to Christmas despite the left’s best attempts to ruin the holiday.

“It’s always been an honored time but just recently it seems like it has gotten to the point where we have to even defend our rights that are given to us to celebrate the birth of Christ and even just the celebration of Christmas has been under fire by the far-left,” he said.

Loudermilk later said that people throughout the country “lost their sense of hope” and pride but will ultimately persevere, comparing America to George Bailey of “It’s A Wonderful Life.” He added: “There is some momentum that we haven’t seen in many years in this nation that people are just tired of political correctness, they’re tired of having their rights stepped upon and they’re ready for something different.”

ADF Lawyer: Gay Rights Opponents May Soon Be 'Put In Jail For Standing For Marriage'

Austin Nimocks of the Alliance Defending Freedom, which wants to make gay sex a criminal offense, said in an interview earlier this week that gay rights advocates are planning to throw their opponents in jail.

While speaking to “Washington Watch” guest host Josh Duggar about the legal case of a Washington florist who was held in violation of the state’s Consumer Protection Act for denying service to a same-sex couple, Nimocks warned that “the persecution is only going to ramp up and it’s going to become more fierce.”

“We appreciate so many of those who are willing to stand for marriage in the face of brutal opposition and public excoriation,” he said. “I don’t think we’re far away from a day where we might see somebody being persecuted to the point of being put in jail for standing for marriage.”

The Year In Homophobia: Ten Of The Worst Anti-LGBT Stories Of 2014

Supporters of marriage equality made tremendous progress this year in striking down discriminatory bans on same-sex marriages while, on the local level, more municipalities have enacted legal protections on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. The Radical Right, however, sees these changes as a reason to find new strategies to fight what it believes is a tyrannical government bent on persecuting conservatives and inviting divine punishment. Facing losses in court and at the ballot box, many conservatives hope that their brand of anti-gay politics may find more success overseas.

Just in case you thought that the debate over gay rights was “over,” we decided to look back on some of the anti-gay Right’s worst moments of 2014.

10. Comparing LGBT Americans To Nazis And Terrorists

There’s nothing that Religious Right activists love more than to pretend they are being oppressed by the LGBT community. This year, Brian Brown of the National Organization for Marriage, Matt Barber of Liberty Counsel and Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association all said opponents of LGBT rights today are facing a situation reminiscent of the oppression African Americans endured under Jim Crow, while other anti-LGBT activists shamelessly compared themselves to Jewish people living in Nazi Germany. More recently, Religious Right activists compared supporters of gay rights to ISIS members bent on beheading Christians, and Pat Robertson described gay rights supporters as terrorists.

Family Research Council President Tony Perkins wondered when gay people and gay rights advocates would “start rolling out the boxcars to start hauling off Christians,” and “Trunews” host Rick Wiles even warned that LGBT rights activists in the U.S. are hoping to fulfill Adolf Hitler’s dream of creating “a race of super gay male soldiers.”

9. Civil Disobedience To Stop Gay Rights

While conservatives rail against civil disobedience to protest police brutality, they are hopeful that the anti-gay movement will launch its own civil disobedience campaigns. In 2014, Sen. Ted Cruz urged gay rights opponents to “disregard unjust edicts from the government” and Fox News pundit Todd Starnes predicted that conservatives would take part in acts of civil disobedience and marches reminiscent of the Civil Rights Movement. Pat BuchananLinda Harvey and Jeff Allen also joined calls for mass civil disobedience to protest LGBT equality, while Peter LaBarbera proposed protests to stop same-sex weddings.

Janet Mefferd hoped that an anti-gay Rosa Parks would soon emerge, while Matt Barber, who has pledged to bring back “some of the civil disobedience that we saw in the 60s during those civil rights struggles” to stop the “LGBT sexual orientation agenda,” said that anti-gay activists will be acting just like Martin Luther King Jr. by demonstrating against gay rights.

8. Breakaway Anti-Gay Nation

Upset over recent gay rights victories, former Reagan administration official Douglas MacKinnon seems ready to give up on America and start a new country composed of conservative Southern states that will secede from the U.S. as a way to preserve their bans on same-sex marriage. MacKinnon outlined his plan in his book, “The Secessionist States of America: The Blueprint for Creating a Traditional Values Country . . . Now,” and in an interview with right-wing talk show host Janet Mefferd, he defended the South’s original attempt at secession during the Civil War.

MacKinnon said that if the secession plan actually worked, he would name the country “Reagan.”

7. Dave Agema’s ‘Common Sense’

It wasn’t a good year for Dave Agema, the Michigan GOP politician and a member of the Republican National Committee. Not only did Agema lose his lawsuit against People For the American Way, the notoriously anti-gay activist made waves after he endorsed Russia’s criminalization of speech in favor of gay rights as a “common sense” measure and faced calls to resign from the RNC after attacking Muslim-Americans in a Facebook post. Last year, Agema posted a bizarre pseudo-scientific survey on how homosexuality is “filthy” on his Facebook page.

Agema became a right-wing martyr after people dared to criticize his bigoted statements, and he refused to step down despite statements from top GOP leaders urging him to leave his position. Instead, Agema only amped up the rhetoric, blasting people for “shoving this idea down our throat that we have to accept this homosexual lifestyle” and warning that gay rights will destroy America.

6. Duggars Show ‘Love’ For Gays By Fighting Gay Rights

While the Duggar family usually campaigns for Republican candidates across the country come election time, in 2014 they worked in their home state of Arkansas to repeal an ordinance in the city of Fayetteville that added the categories of sexual orientation and gender identity to existing bans on discrimination in areas such as commerce, housing and employment.

Michelle Duggar recorded a highly misleading robocall for the successful anti-LGBT campaign, suggesting that the ordinance would undermine public safety and empower “child predators.”

But Josh Duggar, who claims that God sent him to Washington D.C. to work with Family Research Council in opposing LGBT rights, defended their work to strip LGBT people of their rights and legal protections because it is done out of love for the LGBT community.

5. Rick Perry Goes There

As Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s 2012 presidential campaign flamed out after a series of poor debate performances, he used gay-baiting TV ads in one last desperate attempt to win the GOP nomination. Now, as Perry prepares for the 2016 campaign, it seems that by wearing new eyeglasses he is all of a sudden the new wonky candidate. He showed off this new-found knowledge during an appearance in California where he reacted to the news that the Texas GOP had adopted a resolution endorsing “reparative therapy and treatment” to help people “escape from the homosexual lifestyle” by comparing gay people to alcoholics.

“Whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that,” Perry told the Commonwealth Club of California to audible groans from the crowd. “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.”

Of course it wasn’t the first time Perry made such a claim, and other potential presidential candidates such as Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum have made similar arguments. 

4. Ted Cruz’s New DOMA

After the Supreme Court struck down part of the Defense of Marriage Act in 2013, marriage equality opponents looked to their allies in Washington D.C. to try to reverse the court’s decision. Sen. Ted Cruz was more than happy to help, and the Texas senator joined Mike Lee, Utah’s freshman senator, in introducing the State Marriage Defense Act. The bill’s stated purpose is to undercut federal recognition of married same-sex couples, and while it didn’t gain much traction in Congress, it did give Cruz an opportunity to grandstand about his dreams of curtailing gay rights. He told right-wing radio hosts that his “heart weeps” due to same-sex couples’ legal victories, calling rulings in favor of marriage equality “heartbreaking” and a sign “that our constitutional liberties are being eroded.”

After the Supreme Court recently refused to hear appeals in several cases involving same-sex marriage rights, Cruz decided to introduce a constitutional amendment to ensure that the 14th Amendment cannot be used in cases involving equal rights for gays and lesbians.

3. Still Angry About Repeal Of DADT

Anti-gay activists issued countless dire predictions about the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, which officially ended in the summer of 2011, warning about everything from a return to the draft to a “virtual genocide” of Christian service members. None of their claims ever materialized, but conservatives are now just acting as if they did.

One American Family Association radio host blamed Russia’s invasion of Ukraine on the U.S. military’s “sissification,” and Jerry Boykin of the Family Research Council linked the lifting of the ban on gay service members to what he called the “absolute destruction of our military readiness and our military morale.” Gordon Klingenschmitt read a statement on his “Pray In Jesus Name” program from a press release alleging that gay service members will soon be “taking breaks on the combat field to change diapers all because their treacherous sin causes them to lose control of their bowels.”

Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, captured the mood best when he alleged that the end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will make the U.S. more “vulnerable to terrorism” because gay soldiers will take after the ancient Greeks in bringing their lovers to the frontlines so they can “give them massages before they go into battle.”

2. ‘Forced’ To Watch Michael Sam’s Kiss

This year, the far Right leveled an all-out attack against openly gay athlete Michael Sam, who is apparently paving the way for the Antichristbrainwashing children, Satanic and part of a “plan to destroy black America” by “emasculating its men.” After ESPN aired footage of him kissing his boyfriend when he was notified that he was drafted into the NFL, right-wing activists denounced his “slobber-knocker of a kiss” as “sewer filth”; “yucky”; “gross”; “cringe-inducing” and “nauseating.”

Some conservatives claimed that they were actually forced to watch Sam kiss his boyfriend, while other conservatives vowed to boycott the NFL. Rush Limbaugh feared that Sam’s decision to come out of the closet is evidence that heterosexuals are “under assault,” and one right-wing outlet warned of “the gayification of professional sports.”

1. Cheering On Uganda And Russia

This year, Uganda’s president signed into law a new version of the country’s “Anti-Homosexuality Act” which imposed extreme penalties for the crime of being gay (though dropping its provision making homosexuality a death penalty offense in certain cases). American anti-gay activists mostly offered praise to the East African nation. At least one group thought that Uganda should have kept its death penalty plank.

While the country’s top court ultimately struck down the law on technical grounds, organizations such as Concerned Women for AmericaLiberty Counsel and the American Family Association defended Uganda, with the latter condemning criticisms of the law as Satanic. Pastor Scott Lively, who helped craft the original anti-gay bill, spoke out in favor of the new law.

Glenn Grothman, a Wisconsin lawmaker who last month won his race for an open seat in the U.S. House, also attacked opponents of Uganda’s anti-gay law, warning that people like Sec. John Kerry will bring about God’s judgment on America for his criticisms of Uganda.

The Uganda news came at a time when many U.S.-based activists were already pleased with new laws in Russia criminalizing speech in favor of gay rights and enthralled with Vladimir Putin, demanding that America enact similar laws.

Bryan Fischer Bonus

American Family Association spokesman Bryan Fischer’s daily cascade of anti-gay bigotry is difficult to summarize, but rest assured that throughout 2014 he remained in “fine form” when it came to maliciously attacking the LGBT community. Insisting that his hostility to homosexuality is just something that he was born with, Fischer regularly uses his radio program to rail against gay rights as the “greatest threat” America has ever seen and a precursor to the End Times. Fischer has even suggested that God will uses ISIS terrorists to “discipline the United States” for supporting gay rights and urged the government to ban gay people from ever holding public office.

The Right Wing Watch Christmas Gift Guide 2014 Edition

Just in case you are doing some last-minute shopping for Christmas, provided, of course, that your town hasn’t already fallen in a bloody battle in the War on Christmas, we here at Right Wing Watch are out with a new holiday gift guide focused on that special right-wing friend or relative in your life.

Hopefully your loved ones will appreciate it as much as our 2013 catalogue.

6. Big Bucket Of Dried Eggs

The perfect prepper gift, televangelist and survivalist Jim Bakker is offering a hot deal on an “Egg Bucket” for just a cool $100. Nothing gets people more excited than seeing a bucket of dried eggs underneath the Christmas tree, especially once they realize it contains a whole 29 “pouches.” Just add water!

And if you need a present for a prepper with a sweet tooth, make sure to buy Bakker’s 273-item gourmet dessert tray so the whole family can enjoy ice cream sandwiches as society collapses.

5. A Very Glenn Beck Christmas

While other families gather around to watch the yule log or a marathon of “A Christmas Story,” you can have your family watch Glenn Beck dress up as an elderly, Santa-like man after you “give the gift of TheBlaze TV” for up to 100 friends, family members “or anyone you care about” this year.

Alternatively, you can wait for Becks’ movie about a warrior Santa Claus to come to theaters.

4. Children’s End Times Book

Finally, the Pat Robertson-approved children’s book about the Last Days that your child has been waiting for! “I Won’t Take The Mark” prepares kids for the end of the world, concluding with a contract where readers pledge to never take the Mark of the Beast.

3. Obama T-Shirt Sale

Is anyone on the hunt for a barely legible conservative t-shirt? Well, you are in luck, as “The Ten Commandments According To Obama Shirt” is on sale. It was written by Obama himself (probably) about how people should worship him because “I am the chosen One and like God, I do not have a birth certificate,” and should have abortions and persecute Christians. And printing a very long list with a small font size on a white t-shirt is always a winning design idea.

2. Build Your Own Noah’s Ark

The Creation Museum is out with a new, fun way to disprove evolution and let people know that Noah really did put all those dinosaurs up on his ark: building your very own ark! Well, sort of. With their Noah’s Ark Paper Model, you can “[d]iscover the truth about Noah’s Ark by constructing your own scale model! Interesting facts about the Ark and Flood are located on the bottom of the model. Available in two sizes—small and large.” Just in case you were wondering, yes, it is to scale, in cubits.

1. An Ex-Gay Christmas

Anti-LGBT activist Linda Harvey of “Mission America” knows that if you are still “wondering what to get your teen or college student for Christmas,” you should consider “giving them the gift of common sense and morality.” And by common sense and morality, she means her new book, “Maybe He’s Not Gay: Another View On Homosexuality,” which peddles ex-gay pseudo-science. For those who want to use Christmas to “cure” a loved one of homosexuality, Harvey boasts that her book tells gays and lesbians “why they can leave those feelings behind.” A true Christmas miracle!

Joseph Farah: 'War On Christmas' Just Like Terrorism

WorldNetDaily editor Joseph Farah is so angry about the so-called “War on Christmas” that he wonders “how much of the fun and delight of Christmas has been robbed from our kids.”

Farah doesn’t stop there, writing in his column today that the groups purportedly waging war on Christmas are similar to “the terrorists in the Middle East” who deceive others about their nefarious, expansive agendas.

As Jean Shepherd, the late screenwriter of “A Christmas Story,” would say, the entire annual calendar of kid-dom revolved around this holiday.

We’d start thinking about it in September. By Thanksgiving, there was a feeling of imminent inevitability. Hysteria began to set in by Dec. 1.

We didn’t just celebrate Christmas. Christmas Eve was nearly as big a deal. And we began a countdown in our household many days before that. Today, for instance, would be the eve of Christmas Eve. Yesterday was the eve of the eve of Christmas Eve, and so on.

With all the attacks on Christmas in recent years, I wonder how much of the fun and delight of Christmas has been robbed from our kids.

But, of course, the attacks are not really directed at Christmas, at all. Christmas is only a target of the secular jihadists of the American Civil Liberties Union and their co-conspirators at Americans United For Separation of Church and State; their ultimate goal is destroying what Christmas represents.

They remind me of the terrorists in the Middle East who say they want a state of their own, but what they really want is to destroy another state. Since they haven’t been able to achieve their goal in an all-out assault, they settle for getting there piece by piece.

The real target is not Christmas. It’s Christianity. That’s where the real battle lines are being drawn.
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