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Klingenschmitt: Gay Marriage Can Never Be Legal Because It Violates The Laws Of God

Last week, a judge in Arkansas struck down the state's ban on gay marriage and Gordon Klingenschmitt weighed in on the decision on his "Pray In Jesus Name" program yesterday to declare that no matter what any court rules, gay marriage will never be legal because it violates "the law of God."

Saying that since both state governments and the federal government are subject to God's higher law, "it really doesn't matter what the state constitution says" because gay marriage "is still illegal in the eyes of God."

The same goes for the federal government, Kilngenschmitt said, declaring that no judge can ever "overrule Jesus Christ."

"God defines marriage," he concluded. "It doesn't matter what our human opinions are":

'Strike Me Down': Glenn Beck Is A Modern Day MLK/Bonhoeffer/Mandela/Obi Wan

Glenn Beck began his radio program today by discussing the incident in which a local Dallas TV host walked off of her show yesterday during a heated discussion over the appropriateness of ESPN showing Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend after being drafted by the St. Louis Rams.

Beck said that he didn't want to see stuff like that on television, nor does he want to see straight couples making out either and overall he used the issue to decry the "sexualization of our culture" which culminated in him declaring that just as gay people say they are born that way, he was likewise "born a spiritual person" who is now being persecuted for refusing to be silent about his religious faith.

Declaring that he knows that God exists because last week he experienced a "full-fledged miracle," Beck declared that he will never be silent about it even if it costs him his life.

"Because I know God lives, you will have to imprison me," he proclaimed. "You want me to shut up? I won't shut up."

Somehow, that prompted Beck to speculate that the reason the Obama administration has pretty much ignored him since he left Fox News is because they know that he is a Martin Luther King/Dietrich Bonhoeffer/Nelson Mandela-like figure that they had better not screw with because he is willing to die for his beliefs.

"Imprison me," Beck said, looking directly into the camera, "go ahead, imprison me. I will not sit down, I will not shut up. I won't. I will not conform. I will not comply. Period."

"If I may quote Obi Wan," he concluded, "strike me down. Strike me down. I will become far more powerful than you can imagine":

'You Gotta Man Up': Klingenschmitt Says Transgender Student Needs A Spanking And An Exorcism

Earlier this year, the Maine Supreme Court ruled that local school officials had violated the rights of a transgender student by not allowing her to use the girls' restroom and Gordon Klingenschmitt was unsurprisingly opposed to this ruling, declaring on his "Pray In Jesus Name" program yesterday that what this student really needed was a spanking and an exorcism.

Noting that Nicole Maines has an identical twin brother, Klingenschmitt declared that she was possessed by a demonic spirit.

"One of those two boys is possessed by a demon," he said, "and the parents are encouraging that and really what the parents ought to do is take that boy to an exorcist, take that boy to a minister or at least discipline the boy, maybe give him a spanking. Maybe dress him like a boy even if he complains and whines and says 'I don't wanna wear boys clothes.' Too bad, son. You're a boy, you gotta man up":

David Benham Loves Gays And Is Merely Trying To Fight The 'Evil That's Enslaving People'

If it had been our goal to "silence" David and Jason Benham when we first wrote our post exposing their anti-gay, anti-choice, and anti-Islam activism, we certainly did not do a very good job since they have now spent the last week appearing on dozens of radio and television programs explaining how they were supposedly the victims of some "demonic" agenda that is out to destroy them.

After spreading their 'we love gays, but they are controlled by Satan' worldview on just about any outlet that would have them, the Benhams' publicity campaign appears to finally be grinding to a halt, reducing them to appearing on programs hosted by vehemently anti-gay bigots like Bryan Fischer and crackpots like Jesse Lee Peterson, as they did yesterday where, once again, David tried to justify his anti-gay activism by asserting that he was merely standing up against the "evil that's enslaving people."

When Peterson commented that he admired the courage the Benham brothers had displayed in dealing with this controversy, David explained that the Bible says that the righteous are to be as bold as a lion and so, "if we have the Lord Jesus in our heart and we feel that there is wickedness or evil that's enslaving people like this agenda to silence in America that is hurting all kinds of people, not just Christians, then it's incumbent upon us as Christians to be bold as a lion and stand up against it":

Guardians Of Deception: BarbWire Runs Fake 'NAMBLA For Obama' Image

While scanning through Matt Barber's website this morning, we came across a new article by BarbWire's senior editor Jeff Allen that purported to highlight the "dangerous link between homosexuality and pedophilia" in order to "clearly demonstrate the precise reason why we must continue to keep homosexual men as far away as possible from our young boys" which featured this rather striking photo at the very top of the page:

That image had pretty obviously been photoshopped and a quick reverse image search easily revealed the original photo:

Just something for us to keep in mind the next time BarbWire publishes a piece calling us "guardians of tyranny and deception" or Allen himself accuses of us engaging in "character assassination."

UPDATE: BarbWire has now changed the image and, predictably, Allen has accused us of lying about his "innocent mistake":

'Holy Laughter' Pastor To Organize Latest Religious Right Prayer Rally

Rodney Howard-Browne is organizing a Washington D.C. prayer event, Celebrate America, complete with a promotional video that includes a gay couple alongside images of a strip club, mass shootings, terrorist attacks, and Agenda 21 as threats to America.

Back in 2012, the preacher organized a right-wing prayer rally with Focus on the Family to coincide with the Republican National Convention, and the Family Research Council recently held a prayer meeting to support Celebrate America.

Howard-Browne is a pioneer of the Holy Laughter movement, which you can see on display here with Howard-Browne alongside the late Oral Roberts:

At another Holy Laughter event, Howard-Browne says he healed a man of cancer.

Jerry Boykin and Harry Jackson have also endorsed the event, with Boykin telling the Christian Broadcasting Network that America is “beginning” to “completely self-destruct”:

"At the root of America's problem, we really have a spiritual cancer that's been eating away at our nation," Bishop Harry Jackson, senior pastor of Hope Christian Church in Beltsville, Maryland, told CBN News.

Retired Gen. Jerry Boykin used to fight America's physical enemies overseas. He's now working with the Family Research Council fighting spiritual foes.

Boykin said without a Third Great Awakening, forces like those that took down mighty empires of the past will also bring down the United States.

...

Howard-Browne pointed to the epidemics of abortion and illegal drug use in the nation. "Three-thousand babies aborted every single day in this country. We have over 300 million people; we use over 70 percent of the world's drugs," he said.

...

They'll be holding 14 days and nights of mega-sized meetings and street evangelism in the nation's capital as America celebrates its 238th birthday. They're calling it Celebrate America.

"We've come to light the fires right in the belly of the beast, if you can put it that way," Howard-Browne said.

Tom DeLay Fails Miserably In His Attempt To Defend His 'God Wrote The Constitution' Claim

Today, Tom DeLay appeared on "WallBuilders Live" to defend himself from the mockery he received for having declared earlier this year that God founded America and wrote the Constitution, telling host Rick Green that God is going to use conservative Christians to lead "a revolution for the Constitution."

During the conversation, DeLay repeated his claim that "the Constitution was created by God" and then noted that he came under attack from the Left for saying this not too long ago even though, he insisted, he was absolutely right.

"Alexander Hamilton himself said that the Declaration and the Constitution were written as with a sun beam in the whole volume of human nature by the hand of divinity itself," DeLay triumphantly declared. "So I'm just quoting him":

Hamilton did, in fact, make such a statement when he wrote:

The sacred rights of mankind are not to be rummaged for, among old parchments, or musty records. They are written, as with a sun beam, in the whole volume of human nature, by the hand of the divinity itself; and can never be erased or obscured by mortal power.

You will notice that, contrary to DeLay's assertion, there is no mention of either the Declaration or the Constitution anywhere in Hamilton's statement ... and that is because Hamilton wrote the line in his work "The Famer Refuted," which was published in February 1775.

The drafting of the Declaration of Independence did not even begin until well over a year after Hamilton published these words and the Constitution wasn't to be written for another twelve years.

It seems particularly appropriate that DeLay would make this laughable defense on WallBuilders of all places, since false history is their specialty.

Fischer Asks If America Is Even 'A Nation That I Really Wanna Risk My Life To Defend And Protect'

On his radio program yesterday, Bryan Fischer took a call from Tom, a twenty-two year veteran of the Air Force, who wondered why he served in Vietnam and put his life on the line for a nation that now allows gays to serve in the military when God calls it an "abomination."

"I question sometimes why I spent twenty-two years protecting what I was protecting," Tom said, "when we're willing to stand by and let it be washed away or given away by those in power."

Fischer, of course, was entirely sympathetic, saying that America was once "worth bleeding and dying for because ... we stood for Judeo-Christian morality" but now people are rightly asking themselves if America is "turning into a nation that I really wanna risk my life to defend and protect":

Santorum Solves The Contraception Mandate By Suggesting The Government Should Give It Away For Free

Last week, Rick Santorum spoke at an event hosted by the University of Chicago's Institute of Politics to discuss his new book "Blue Collar Conservatives: Recommitting to an America That Works." During the Q & A session, Santorum was asked how he balances his personal religious views as a Catholic on an issue like contraception with the needs to formulate public policy that impacts people who do not share those religious views.

Santorum said that there are a lot of things that he does not agree with or believe to be moral, but that does not mean that those things should necessarily be illegal and contraception is one of those issues.

His concern, he explained, is with the government "forcing people who have views like me to go out and use my money to buy those products" because doing so infringes upon his religious liberty. What the government should have done, he suggested, if it wants to ensure that everyone has access to contraception is to announce that contraception will be provided free of charge by the government.

"It would be less objectionable to me," Santorum said, "for the government to go out and say we're going to pay for all the pharmacies to stock contraception and give them out free. Am I paying for it indirectly? Yes, through my taxes, but I pay for a lot of things with my taxes that I don't like."

If the Obama administration's goal was to ensure access to contraception, Santorum said, this is probably how it should have been implemented ... but the Obama administration didn't do that, leading Santorum to declare that the real goal of the contraception mandate was to force Christians to violate their religious beliefs and "bow to Caesar":

Marriage Equality Lawsuit Filed in Alaska, Only Three State Bans Remain Unchallenged

Yesterday's filing is great news for these couples and countless other Alaskans wishing to bring marriage equality to their state, but on this issue Alaska is not The Last Frontier – three states remain with unchallenged marriage bans.
PFAW Foundation

David Benham Explains His Love For Gays By Claiming The Homosexual 'Agenda' Is Led By Satan

It has now been one week since we first wrote a post highlighting the anti-gay and anti-choice activism of David Benham, who was slated to host a reality TV show on HGTV with his twin brother Jason. After HGTV announced that it would not move forward with the brothers' planned reality show, the Benhams hit the conservative media circuit to claim they were the victims of a "smear campaign" filled with "complete lies,"  though neither the Benhams nor anyone else has actually bothered to explain how anything we originally reported about them was in any way false.

The bulk of the defense offered for the last week by David and Jason Benham of their past activism has been that they do not hate gay people but only hate "homosexuality and its agenda that is attacking the nation,"which is pretty much the defense offered by most of the anti-gay bigots we monitor on this blog. David Benham previously alleged that the "homosexual agenda," along with abortion rights and Islam, is controlled by "demonic forces and agendas."

Last night, they took that talking point onto Glenn Beck's television program where they repeatedly asserted that they are not at war with gay people, but are rather engaged in a spiritual war against Satan and demonic forces that are out to silence Christianity.

"It's a spiritual fight," Jason Benham said. "From the beginning of time, it was God and there was the Devil and both of them use people for their own purposes." Jason then recalled how Jesus had rebuked Peter by declaring "get behind me, Satan!" in Mark 8 to demonstrate this, as David added that it is all part of Satan's efforts to suppress the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Later in the discussion, Jason added that they are not attacking "the homosexual community" because the real issue is "God versus the Devil."

"There is a small minority of people in this world, heterosexual and homosexual, that buy into the idea of this agenda that wants to silence people," he said.

David added that, as Christians, they are "called to restrain evil so that good may flourish" and that is the role they are trying to play in America by taking a stand against the "demonic agenda to suppress the truth":

Dangers of Supreme Court Prayer Ruling Quickly Become Clear

Sometimes the damage from a bad court decision takes a while to make itself clear. Not so with last week’s U.S. Supreme Court ruling upholding a town’s practice of beginning council meetings with prayers that are overwhelmingly Christian. Conservative political and legal groups called it a win for religious freedom, but it only took a few days to see just how much unnecessary and divisive conflict the Court’s decision could generate in communities across America.

Late last week the mayor of the New Jersey town of Carteret cited the Supreme Court ruling to justify cancelling the use of the borough hall for a Saturday naturalization ceremony.  He was upset that the Immigration and Naturalization Service refused to allow the ceremony to begin with prayer. The INS says its rules are meant to ensure that naturalization ceremonies are "conducted in a meaningful manner which is welcoming and inclusive and excludes political, commercial and religious statements." But Mayor Daniel Reiman said the INS could "host its godless ceremony someplace else." (It was held in Newark.)

What a sad object lesson for those aspiring American citizens and their friends and families. Who knows how many different faiths were represented among them? It shouldn’t matter, because one of the most precious benefits of being an American is that your rights and standing as a citizen do not depend on your holding any particular set of religious beliefs.

But don’t tell that to Al Bedrosian, a member of the Roanoke County Board of Supervisors in Virginia. Last week after the Supreme Court ruling, Bedrosian declared that prayers to open board meetings should be given only by Christians. It is shameful that Bedrosian holds public office in Virginia, home of James Madison and Thomas Jefferson and the birthplace of the First Amendment. Bedrosian argued publicly several years ago that Christians should “rid ourselves of this notion of freedom of religion in America.” He said Christians “are being fed lies that a Christian nation needs to be open to other religions” and called it one of the “greatest moments in US Senate history” when a group of Christians disrupted a Hindu religious leader who was giving an opening prayer.

Both Reiman and Bedrosian are misinterpreting the Court’s decision. But these episodes bring even greater clarity to a reality to which the conservative majority on the Supreme Court demonstrated “blindness” – in the words of dissenting Justice Elena Kagan. That is the exclusionary and divisive reality – as opposed to the theory – of government bodies opening their meetings with sectarian prayer.

The case decided by the Supreme Court came concerned the upstate New York town of Greece.  For years, the town council has been inviting local clergy to open its meetings. Those clergy have been overwhelmingly Christian, and their prayers were sometimes highly sectarian, invoking “the saving sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross” or “the plan of redemption that is fulfilled in Jesus Christ.” These were not, as dissenting Justice Elena Kagan noted, ceremonial invocations like the “God save the United States and this honorable Court,” which begins Supreme Court sessions.

The town’s prayer policy was challenged by two citizens (one Jew and one atheist) who felt coerced by the invitations to Christian prayer, and who felt as if they were being made outsiders in their own town based on their religious beliefs. They argued that the practice violated the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment, which has been interpreted as preventing the government from favoring religion in general or any religion in particular.

Some people, particularly those in the religious majority, have a hard time seeing why such prayer is a big deal. As Paul Waldman writes for the Washington Post, “the ruling is about the privilege of the majority, the privilege to define your own beliefs, traditions, and practices as simply the water in which we all swim. If you’re in that majority, you tend to be shocked when anyone even questions whether those practices ought to be imposed on everyone and sponsored by the state.”

But imagine, as Kagan did, a Muslim who has come before the city council seeking a zoning variance to build an addition on her home. When she is asked to join in prayer celebrating the divinity of Jesus, she has the option of not participating, or leaving the room. Either option identifies her as somehow different from her neighbors and from the councilmembers who will decide the fate of her request.  A federal appeals court had ruled that the town’s practice was unconstitutional because, even if town officials had no bad intent, the consequence of the nearly uninterrupted parade of Christian prayers was to signal that Christianity was favored, and to make unequal citizens of people of other faiths or no faith.

Unfortunately, five Supreme Court justices disagreed, saying even an overwhelmingly Christian and sectarian prayer practice is OK unless there is a pattern of prayers denigrating other faiths or proselytizing or unless there is evidence that people are being legally coerced or punished for not participating. The Court has given a green light to “Christian Nation” advocates like Al Bedrosian to demand that their city council or county commission allow their official meetings to be regularly opened with explicitly Christian prayers.  Some Religious Right leaders have said that’s exactly what they’re going to do.

Right now, practices vary. Some government bodies don’t bother with prayer; others invite clergy to open meetings, with guidelines that prayers be respectful or nonsectarian. But even that nod toward pluralism is at risk: Jordan Sekulow of the American Center for Law and Justice said this ruling means government bodies can no longer make a distinction between nonsectarian prayer and “praying in Jesus’ name” and he told the Christian Broadcasting Network, “that will have an impact on a number of cases.”

It’s worth noting that some progressive Christians agree that “nonsectarian prayer” is a kind of oxymoron. But, says Washington Monthly blogger Ed Kilgore, that is not a reason to push for sectarian prayer; it is instead a reason to do away with legislative prayer altogether. He writes that the effort to push more prayer in official settings is “offensive to those who pray as much as to those who don’t.” The pro-church-state-separation Baptist Joint Committee had filed a brief in the case stating that “prayer is an expression of voluntary religious devotion, not the business of government.”

That brings us to a crucial distinction between what is constitutional and what is wise, particularly in a country that is increasingly diverse, with a growing number of people who claim no religious affiliation. As noted in People For the American Way Foundation’s Twelve Rules for Mixing Religion and Politics, “Some things that are legally permissible may still be damaging to religious tolerance and civic discourse, and should be discouraged.”

The Supreme Court did not rule that legislative bodies have to begin their meetings with prayer; it ruled that the Constitution allows them to. In spite of Justice Anthony Kennedy’s portrayal of legislative prayer as a unifying force, it seems likely that an aggressive push for more sectarian prayer to open official meetings will be anything but unifying. Elected officials should think twice before going down that road.

Russell Moore, president of the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, said he prays that the Court is showing a way toward “a right kind of free marketplace of faith expression in American life.” But Moore is wrong: we already have a free marketplace of faith expression in America. The First Amendment has fostered a vibrant, flourishing, peaceful religious pluralism that is unmatched anywhere in the world. Christian media has a massive presence on television, radio, and online. But what too many “Christian Nation” advocates want, and what the Court is opening the door to, is a system in which a religious majority can more easily use the institutions of government to promote its religious beliefs and label others as outsiders.

And that is not the American Way. 

PFAW Foundation

Barber: NHCLC Setting Up A 'Firewall' To Fight Back America's 'Cancerous Invasion Of Immorality'

Back in 2012, Liberty Counsel's Mat Staver joined the board of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference (NHCLC) and also took on the responsibility of serving as the organization's chief legal counsel. When Staver traveled to Peru last year to be honored for his anti-gay and anti-choice activism, he was so impressed by the commitment of local churches to resist the American government's efforts "to undermine the Judeo-Christian values of life and marriage" that, upon returning to the United States, he called NHCLC president Samuel Rodriquez and encouraged him to expand into Latin America in order to assist with this effort.

Earlier this month, the NHCLC announced that it would be doing just that by merging with a Latin America-based organization called Conela:

The National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference (NHCLC), the largest Hispanic Christian organization in the U.S. representing millions of Evangelicals and over 40,000 churches, announced today that it will merge with Conela, a Latin America-based organization that serves over 487,000 Latin churches across the world.

“This merger is a win-win for both NHCLC and Conela, and we are thrilled to join together to better serve Hispanic Evangelicals worldwide,” said Dr. Samuel Rodriguez, president of the NHCLC. “Under the new NHCLC, we will continue to unify, serve and represent the Hispanic Evangelical community with the divine and human elements of the Christian message all while advancing the Lamb’s agenda.”

This merger, which came at the request of Conela President Ricardo Luna, will result in a worldwide organization that represents over half a million churches and millions of individuals, making it the largest Evangelical association in the world.

Staver recounted these developments on today's "Faith and Freedom" radio program, where Matt Barber said the efforts was needed now more than ever because "under this current administration, there is no question that the United States of America is exporting immorality."

"And so NHCLC," Barber said, "is really putting up a firewall to protect Latin America from, unfortunately, this cancerous invasion of immorality and [this] exporting [of] radical homosexual activism and radical pro-abortion activism, ultimately a culture of death":

Fischer Blasts The NFL For 'Celebrating Something That Could Destroy Michael Sam's Life'

Bryan Fischer's love for young, black males has been well-established and it is precisely why he wants to see homosexuality made illegal.

It was with this love in mind that Fischer spent two full segments of his radio broadcast today railing against the NFL for celebrating the drafting of Michael Sam instead of putting him into "ex-gay" reparative therapy.

Calling Sam's drafting a "debacle," Fischer proclaimed that the NFL "is conducting itself in a horribly irresponsible fashion" by "celebrating something that could destroy Michael Sam's life."

"They know the kind of behavior that Michael Sam is engaged in," Fischer lamented. "He had a big, wet sloppy kiss with his gay lover right in front of world and everybody ... and it is behavior that will destroy his life."

If the NFL was really concerned with Sam's well-being, Fischer went on the argue, the league would be encouraging him to begin ex-gay therapy.

"Alas, the only people who truly care for Michael Sam are those who love him enough to tell him the truth about the health risks of homosexual behavior," Fischer concluded, saying that the NFL leadership "long ago sold their souls to the virulent, vitriolic bullies and bigots of 'big gay'":

Marriage Equality Ruling in Arkansas Welcomed by Southerners for the Freedom to Marry

Wolfson and his organization have been working on a project called Southerners for the Freedom to Marry, and though we expect an appeal to the Arkansas ruling, it looks like the South is ready for change.
PFAW Foundation

Klingenschmitt: The Bible Says 'All The Citizens Ought To Be Armed So They Can Defend Themselves Against Left Wing Crazies'

On his "Pray In Jesus Name" program, Gordon Klingenschmitt discussed the recent shooting at a Fed Ex facility in Georgia, which he attributed to the fact that the facility was a gun-free zone, which is prohibited by the Bible.

Klingenschmitt declared that the reason that Japan never invaded the United States is because "Californians carried guns" and warned that now the state "might be vulnerable to that" because the citizens are being disarmed.

"There is a demonic spirit of murder and suicide and abuse" behind gun control efforts, Klingenschmitt said, citing the Book of Judges to proclaim that "the Bible talks against disarming the citizens [and] says all the citizens ought to be armed so they can defend themselves against left wing crazies who go in there to try and assault God's people":

Todd Starnes Has A Good Laugh Comparing Gay Marriage To Bestiality

On Friday we mentioned that we are reading through Todd Starnes' genuinely awful new book "God Less America: Real Stories From the Front Lines of the Attack on Traditional Values" in which, in between collected tales of supposed Christian persecution and endless attempts to remind his reader just how much he loves the South, Starnes intersperses little fantasy vignettes about how President Obama is trying to literally turn himself into a god or, in the case of chapter 11, how the Supreme Court has legalized marriage between humans and animals.

In a chapter entitled "The Great Interspecies Marriage Act Of 2025," Starnes mocks advances in marriage equality by penning a fake Associated Press article announcing that the Supreme Court has "legalized interspecies marriage" and that couples can now begin marrying at pet stores across the nation:

(AP) THE FUTURE - A divided Supreme Court finally legalized interspecies marriage, striking down a key section of a federal law that denied veterinary benefits to humans and pets, and marking what activists are calling the greatest civil rights ruling of the twenty-first century ...The landmark ruling means that more than one hundred thousand human and animal couples who are legally married will be able to take advantage of tax breaks, pension rights, and other benefits that are available to other married couples ... Pet stores in California, New York, and Illinois have already announced plans to begin issuing marriage licenses. The first couples to tie the knot will receive a lifelong supply of Kibbles & Bits or Meow Mix.

...

The White House tried to put religious groups at ease by suggesting marriage between species is not only constitutional, but also biblical.

"Don't have a cow," the White House press secretary told reporters. "Or do have a cow. That's what so great about this nation. We are free to love whoever we choose to love. Marriage is a sacred union, whether it's a man and a woman or a man and a man or a woman and a woman or a transgender and a transgender (which could technically be all of the above) or a man and a goat. God's in the mix."

The Almighty did not immediately respond to the White House statement, but in an unrelated incident, San Francisco was suddenly turned into a pillar of salt and the Vegas strip was burned to the ground during a freak lightning storm.

Todd Starnes In Fantasy Land

We have been reading through Todd Starnes' latest book, "God Less America: Real Stories From the Front Lines of the Attack on Traditional Values," which was released earlier this week and mainly it consists of the standard "Christian persecution" stories that fill most of his columns for Fox News.

But then we got to chapter 5, entitled "So Absurd It Could Be True: The Gospel Of Barack Obama," which consists entirely of Starnes imagining a meeting between himself and a fictional DC insider named Miles O'Leary who had just been put in charge of a project aimed at literally turning President Obama into a god.

Starnes imagines a conversation between himself and O'Leary as the latter explains that an "Office of Theological Repatriation" has been created in order to use the force of government and compliance of the media to compel all Americans to abandon their faith and worship Obama:

"You look at it as a problem, but the White House looks at it as an opportunity," he said. "We realized that we had a chance to truly make history—to change the world. Do you remember what happened at the Democratic National Convention, when the Democrats booed God?"

Who could forget? Delegates to the 2012 DNC meeting in Charlotte had voted God out of the party platform. "There's only room for one god in the Democratic National Convention," Miles said.

The Almighty was subsequently reinstated into the party, which resulted in a round of contentious jeers from the crowd full of atheists and God-haters. I was there. It was one of the most incredulous moments in American politics—a major political party giving God a Bronx cheer.

"We took an immediate flash poll of God's approval rating among Democrats, and we got a shocking wake-up call," Miles told me. "He was only polling at 10 percent—and that was mostly among Southern Blue Dog Democrats. So we decided to immediately implement a top-secret program—code name G-O-D"

GOD?

"It stands for Get Obama Deified," Miles said in a hushed voice. "We decided to create a national religion based solely on President Obama. Our internal polling data on the deification of the president is spectacular."

I was dumbfounded. How in the world could they do something like that—something so brazen, so blasphemous, so unconstitutional?

"Todd, we've already done it," Miles said. "I was just put in charge of President Obama's new Office of Theological Repatriation. We're in the process of destabilizing other religions so that we can recruit more followers. Why do you think we've been marginalizing Christianity within the armed forces and public schools?"

"But why make the president a god?"

"Let's face it, Todd," Miles explained. "He's a young man. He's going to need to do something to earn a paycheck after he leaves the White House."

"So when did you guys decide to go forward with this hair-brained scheme?" I asked.

"Ironically it was just a few hours before that earthquake hit Washington," he said. "About two minutes after President Obama signed the executive order declaring himself to be America's Lord and Savior, the earth started shaking."

"How does one even go about creating a new religion?" I wondered.

"Well, as I said, I head up the Office of Theological Repatriation," Miles said. "Once the Christians and Jews renounce their faiths, they are assigned to a six-month session of theological conversion therapy. After they complete the appropriate coursework, the new followers are then turned over to the Office of Spiritual Indoctrination."

"What about the Muslims?" I asked.

"Um, yeah, we're not going to touch the Muslims," Miles said.

"It's all about having a good back story," he said. "That's why we've employed the best screenwriters in Hollywood to create our version of the Bible. It's called The Gospel According to Barack."

Miles laid out some sample chapters for me, including Obama's version of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others before they do it to you."

And they've also started working on the origins story. Miles said the White House has pending legislation that would make December 25 "Barack Obama Day."

"We've even got a few passages of the origins scripture ready for Hallmark cards," Miles said. "'For unto you is born this day in a city of undetermined origin—a savior who is Barack the Lord.'"

Suddenly the skies outside the coffeehouse darkened. I could hear the distant rumbling of thunder and an occasional flash of lightning. Miles said they'd also commissioned choirs to perform some new holiday anthems with lyrics such as, "Joy to the world / Barack has come / Let earth receive her king." They also created the new songs "Jingle Bell Barack" and "Michelle, Did You Know?"

"We've recently acquired the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, which we've renamed the Obama Tabernacle Choir, and they are going to be producing our signature song, a new rendition of the 'Hallelujah Chorus,'" Miles said. "Instead of 'Hallelujah,' they sing `Barack Obama."

But what about the inner workings of the religion? What about the doctrine?

Miles conceded that to be a bit more problematic. He said there'd been fierce debate over who gets to sit at the right hand of Obama. "Valerie Jarrett wants to sit at the left and the right hand," he said. "Michelle's not too happy about that, but we may have a solution. We're contemplating making Michelle the Holy Mother."

What about the sacraments?

"Well, we require followers of Obama to drink the Kool-Aid at least once a week," Miles said. "We've also got the folks over at the Food Network developing a wafer made in the president's likeness from organically harvested wheat."

As for confessional booths, Miles said there aren't going to be any.

"That's what we've got the NSA for," he said. "They already know your darkest secrets."

And how does one become a follower of Obama?

"We believe in predestination," Miles said. "All Americans are predestined to follow the president and do his bidding."

Last rites, he said, were being outsourced to the Department of Health and Human Services death panels.

I still wasn't totally convinced this wild scheme would work. How in the world could they indoctrinate so many people?

"We bought ourselves a cable television network," Miles crowed, proudly. "We're calling it MSNBC—the Messianic Savior Named Barack Channel."

Well, that explained a lot.

Klingenschmitt Speculates That The 'Forbidden Fruit' Eaten By Adam And Eve May Have Been Marijuana

On yesterday's "Pray In Jesus Name" program, "Dr. Chaps" Gordon Klingenschmitt responded to those "pot hippies" who cite Genesis 1:29 to argue that marijuana should be legal because God has "given you every herb bearing seed" for human use and consumption by floating his theory that the "forbidden fruit" eaten by Adam and Even in the garden was not an apple, but actually pot!

"There are certain weeds in the garden, even in the Garden of Eden, that were forbidden by God," Klingenschmitt said, saying that the Bible never uses the word "apple" to describe just what it was that Adam and Eve ate but "the Bible does use the word 'forbidden weed.'"

"So here's my hypothesis," Klingenschmitt said, beginning to laugh as apparently even he realized the ridiculousness of what he was saying, "maybe it was marijuana! ... How do you know that the serpent didn't give pot to Eve and say 'go ahead, and the day that you eat this, you're not going to die.' The fact is, you are going to die":

Barber: 'So Many Women Are ... Taking Anti-Depressants' Because They Feel Guilty For Having Had An Abortion

On today's "Faith and Freedom" radio broadcast, Matt Barber said that it is "little wonder that so many women are walking around taking anti-depressants" since they must feel guilty over having had an abortion.

On an episode entitled "Abortion is The Real War on Women," Barber said that 40% of women of childbearing age in America have had an abortion and alleged that they are all carrying "the burden and the guilt" of having done so and so "they have a void, an emptiness now" that is exacerbated by the upcoming Mother's Day holiday.

"As we look at Mother's Day," Barber said, "you know, there is little wonder that so many women are walking around taking anti-depressants ... So, on Mother's Day, there are mothers of dead babies walking around feeling the weight and the guilt of having had an abortion":

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