How Glenn Beck 'Accurately' Predicts The Future

Despite his terrible track record, Glenn Beck is genuinely convinced that his wild predictions about the future always come true because, as he said just yesterday, he can see the future.

One of the reasons that Beck is able to delude himself and his audience into believing this myth is because he routinely hedges his bets by insisting that he is "terrible at timing," which makes all of his predictions opened-ended, meaning that they can never be proven wrong since it is always possible that they simply haven't come true yet.

But the main way in which Beck is able to so "accurately" predict the future is that he constantly spews countless theories on his shows, so that whenever anything happens anywhere in the world that could in any way be spun as a confirmation of something he once predicted, he seizes upon it and takes a victory lap.

On his radio show today, Beck hauled out his trusty chalkboard upon which he wrote down his thoughts about President Obama, Russia, and the North Korea/Sony hacking incident in order lay out at least 20 absurdly vague predictions about looming global chaos and conflict:

  • Chaos in Russia
  • Russian expansion into the Ukraine and beyond
  • War with the West
  • War in the Middle East
  • War involving Syria and Iran and possibly North Korea
  • Chaos in Europe
  • Muslim extremists in Europe
  • Nazis/Communists/Anarchists in Europe
  • A caliphate in the Middle East
  • Terrorist attacks in Pakistan
  • Terrorist attacks spreading into India
  • Terrorism in Australia
  • Terrorism spreading into Asia
  • Communists in South America
  • Hyper-inflation
  • Border conflicts
  • Chaos in the United States
  • Race riots in the United States
  • Political chaos
  • Banking chaos
  • The rise of a police state

"It's what's coming," Beck warned.

Now that Beck has covered all of his bases, pretty much no matter what happens anywhere in the world in the future, he will be able to claim that he predicted it:

Pat Robertson Supports Cuba Opening In Principle But Opposes It Because Obama

Televangelist Pat Robertson kicked off “The 700 Club” today with a joke about President Obama’s move to restore diplomatic relations with Cuba, saying, “If our president had been an Indian, he would have sold Manhattan for twenty-four bucks.”

Later in the show, however, Robertson said he actually supports “opening up to Cuba” … in principle. But since President Obama did it, now Robertson is against it and thinks it shows Obama’s “weakness.”

“Now listen, I am for opening up to Cuba, we have been sending aid in there, we’ve had missionaries and stuff going on in Cuba,” he said. “You know, it’s cool, we want to say the Cubans are friends, we want that and we want Cuba to be free.” But he argued that America’s 52-year-old sanctions against Cuba were just about to work in toppling the Cuban government until Obama’s announcement offered Cuban leaders a “bailout.”

He then got a little confused about the state of Latin American politics, calling the late Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez — whom Robertson once wanted assassinated — the current leader of El Salvador: “They were dependent on money from Nicaragua, excuse me, from the regime of Chavez in El Salvador…But Chavez is out of money and that country is gone and busted.”

Robertson also attacked “King Obama” for hiring aides who “don’t love America” and failing to help political prisoners in Cuba, even though Cuba agreed to release fifty-three political prisoners, along with a U.S. citizen and an American intelligence agent.

Michele Bachmann: 'Any Normal Human Being' Would Support The Tea Party

After bragging about how she manages to outsmart liberals time and time again, Rep. Michele Bachmann told WorldNetDaily in a lengthy interview published today that “any normal human being” would back the Tea Party movement.

“So the Tea Party I think is a very important — and those ideals are a very important movement. People still believe in Second Amendment rights, people still believe in upholding the rights of the unborn, a number of us still continue to contend for traditional marriage between one man and one woman. These are all important value sets and I think that is part of the lamp that I tried to carry is to continue the values that brought us up to be the greatest country in the world in all of human history,” she said. “We have a Judeo-Christian history. We are not a theocracy but we live on principles that are Judeo-Christian principles.”

She said that just like the Pilgrims, the U.S. isn’t building a theocracy, while warning that “we wouldn’t be” America “if we throw out and eschew those values, the morality and the principles of the Judeo-Christian ethic.”

Texas School Board Let Anti-Muslim Group Pressure Publishers To Rewrite Religion Textbooks

Last month, the Texas State Board of Education approved a set of social studies textbooks after some disputes between Christian Right members of the board and scholars who had reviewed the texts. Although experts recruited by the Texas Freedom Network to review the proposed texts managed to convince textbook companies to remove some objectionable material, some claims demanded by conservative members of the board remained, including assertions that Moses was a direct influence on the founding of the U.S.

In an article for Religion Dispatches today, one of TFN’s reviewers, David R. Brockman, who teaches religious studies at Southern Methodist University, writes about his experience as a textbook reviewer and his frustrations with the board’s process for reviewing curricula on world religions. “The curriculum standards and the adoption process in Texas don’t simply lack balanced and accurate coverage of the world’s religions; they work against it,” he writes. “And while textbook publishers generally struggle against this tide, they are sometimes dragged along with it.”

In one example, Brockman writes that the Christian Right bloc on the school board “insisted that the publishers address” a last-minute set of comments submitted by Truth in Texas Textbooks, a group associated with the anti-Muslim organization ACT! for America, whose reviewers, with one exception, had no “relevant social studies credentials” and demanded that the textbooks include hostile and sometimes false comments about Islam. Although the textbook companies mostly refused TTT’s requests (many with clear exasperation), a few were successful, including a redefinition of the word “jihad”:

The problem is that, in 2014 at least, the conservative majority on the SBOE quite clearly gave comments from ideologically-driven pressure groups (such as Texas Eagle Forum and Texas Values Action) greater weight than comments from credentialed field specialists (such as myself and my fellow reviewers).

A mere two weeks before the SBOE was to take its final vote on the textbooks, and long after other public groups had filed their comments, Truth in Texas Textbooks (TTT), which has allies on the SBOE, presented their reviews—469 pages of material. Two days before the final adoption vote was to take place, Christian Right members of the SBOE made much of the TTT criticisms and insisted that publishers address them.

To judge from its website, the only TTT reviewer with relevant social studies credentials was a professor of Holocaust Studies at the University of Texas at Dallas. However, he reviewed only one world history textbook, and quite appropriately restricted his comments to his areas of expertise.

The other reviewers on TTT’s list appear to have no academic credentials in history, geography, economics, or religious studies (though they do include a Ph.D. in “educational leadership,” and a professor of foreign languages). Despite a lack of pertinent credentials, the TTT reviewers weighed in on a wide range of topics, including prehistory, climate change, economics, political science, and U.S. government.

But they directed special vitriol at the alleged “dangers” posed by Islam. One reviewer wrote of Islam’s “threat to the Western world,” while another lumped Muslims together with communists and socialists commenting, bizarrely, that “The greatest fear for a communist, a socialist or a Muslim is Truth.”

Other TTT comments were just plain false: “Islam is spread by the sword while monotheistic religions are not.”

(Try telling that to an Aztec or Inca—not to mention the fact that Islam is a “monotheistic religion.”)

Yet despite TTT’s lack of credentials and the obviously biased and tendentious nature of their critiques, conservative SBOE members insisted that publishers give them the same level of attention they gave comments from credentialed scholars.

Sadly, in some cases, publishers actually changed their text to suit TTT, as when Pearson Learning ( see page 16) removed from its world history text the factually correct statement that jihad “is most frequently used [by Muslims] to describe an inner struggle in God’s service.” In its place Pearson inserted more ambiguous wording: “For some Muslims, [jihad] means a struggle against one’s evil inclinations. For other Muslims, it refers to a struggle or violent holy war to defend or spread Islam.”

While this change may please TTT and other anti-Islam groups, it deprives students of the important fact that the “holy war” interpretation of jihad is held by only a small minority in the Muslim community today.

Michele Bachmann Says She 'Defeated' Progressives By Outsmarting Them

Rep. Michele Bachmann told the far-right outlet WorldNetDaily in an interview published today that while she is leaving Congress, she is most proud of her work opposing Obamacare, the Dodd-Frank financial industry reform, the 2009 stimulus, auto industry bailouts and TARP. Although all of those measures passed, Bachmann offered her wisdom to conservatives on how she is able to defeat liberal policies time and time again.

Bachmann said she uses “evidence-based arguments” against liberals who are only able to “argue from emotionalism, they don’t argue from a logical, linear point of view, and I take them on at their false premises.”

“That’s the best way to defeat them, by the way. Defeat them with evidence and defeat them with their false premises and I did that,” she said, adding that she was able do this despite the “constant criticism” she received.

The Associated Press, whose chief fact checker said his job required a “self-imposed Michele Bachmann quota” because she made so many false claims, and Politifact, which found that Bachmann had by far worst record of any 2012 presidential candidate when it comes to making accurate statements, must have missed Bachmann’s many “evidence-based” arguments.

Bobby Jindal's Clueless Defense Of His AFA Prayer Rally

The controversy surrounding Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal’s prayer rally, which is scheduled to take place next month on LSU’s campus, continues to grow as some students have announced that they will protest the involvement of the rally’s chief funder, the American Family Association, an anti-gay hate group. A wide variety of anti-gay activists are promoting the prayer rally and have used promotional materials for the event to spread outrageous claims that natural disasters such as Hurricane Katrina were the result of homosexuality and abortion.

Jindal has now been forced to personally address the issue, which he has predictably done by side-stepping criticism of the AFA's bigotry and instead accusing "the left" of attacking Christians:

"Let's be clear about what this is. This is an opportunity for people across denominational lines to come together to pray," Jindal said. "It's not a political event, it's a religious event."

He said that while he respects the rights of protesters, religious groups have the right to express their beliefs and should not be barred from being able to hold the event on the LSU campus. A protest is planned while the event is taking place at the campus's Pete Maravich Assembly Center, and critics are urging LSU not to allow the prayer rally to happen.

"Christians have the right to rent, to pay for a hall at a public university so they can come together and pray," Jindal told reporters at an economic development announcement in New Orleans.

Asked if he agreed with the American Family Association's agenda, Jindal sidestepped that question and said, "The left likes to try to divide and attack Christians."

Jindal said the protesters themselves should consider joining the prayer rally. He said they "might benefit from prayer."

Given that Jindal apparently has no qualms about partnering with the AFA for a "religious event," we feel that someone ought to ask him what he thinks of the fact that one the AFA's main spokesman, Bryan Fischer, has argued time and time again that the protections guaranteed by the First Amendment only apply to Christians.

Since Fischer has made no secret of his belief that non-Christian faiths are not entitled to any protection under the First Amendment whatsoever, one has to wonder how Jindal feels about partnering with his organization, considering that Jindal's own parents "are actively Hindu."

Not only does Fischer believe that Jindal's parents are not entitled to have their faith protected and treated equally under the Constitution, he declared just last year that Hinduism is a demonic religion when he totally freaked out because First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a Hindu event in the White House:

"This is a counterfeit religion," Fischer said. "It is an Eastern religion. It is, in essence, an occult religion.  It's a counterfeit, a false alternative to Christianity.  It ultimately represents the doctrine of demons, that is what you have with Hinduism and now this is being celebrated in the White House."

"Christians have the right to rent, to pay for a hall at a public university so they can come together and pray," Jindal says as he partners with an organization that regularly asserts that other religions do not have those very same rights.

It is truly amazing that Jindal dares to suggest that somehow Christians are being treated unfairly because people are criticizing the fact that he is quite willing to partner with an organization that openly declares that non-Christians are not entitled to equal treatment or protection under the First Amendment.

Stewart Rhodes: Bundy Ranch Standoff Nearly Turned Military Against Feds, Started Civil War

Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes told a gathering of “constitutional sheriffs” last month — which also featured Rep. Steve Stockman of Texas — that federal officials eventually backed down in the standoff at the Bundy Ranch earlier this because they knew that if they didn't the U.S. military would turn against the federal government, igniting a second civil war.

Noting that a number of military veterans joined the armed anti-government protest at the Nevada ranch, Rhodes said that “the politicians and the would-be dictators in Washington, D.C…have to worry if they go too hard, if they drop the hammer too blatantly on Americans like at Bundy Ranch, that the Marine Corps would flip on them. And I think it would. And same goes for the tip of the spear in the Army, Army Airborne, special forces, your Navy Seals, all of those groups out there, the more hardcore they are as warriors, the more likely they are to look at something like that and say, ‘that’s it, I’m done’ and join the resistance.”

“And so that’s why [federal officials] are careful about what they do,” he added. “It’s not out of charity or concern for your lives that the don’t drop the hammer.”

Citing a Washington Times report that the Obama administration “considered but rejected deploying military force” against the armed groups trying to stop the Bureau of Land Management from collecting decades of grazing fees from Cliven Bundy, Rhodes said, “Thankfully they did not, because if they had, that would have kicked off a civil war in this country. It would have.”

The only way to avoid a civil war, he said, was for sheriffs and other officials like those in the audience to refuse to be "the muscle for idiots like Cuomo or Obama or Holder who don't understand warfare."

"Do not open the door on U.S. soil for sheepdog and sheepdog violence," he warned.

The Perfect Right Wing Christmas Card

Nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like a card portraying an armed Santa Claus holding off a knife-wielding Islamic terrorist who is trying to kill baby Jesus:

An armed Santa Claus on an original Christmas card sent to recipients this year by John M. Snyder protects Baby Jesus from a masked, knife-wielding terrorist.

Santa aims a semiautomatic handgun at the terrorist near Baby Jesus in His crib. The contemporary drawing shows Santa Claus using the gun to save the Infant from the throat-cutter.

"The Christmas card reflects current reality," Snyder said. "According to numerous news reports, Islamist terrorists behead innocent victims around the world, even here in the United States. These murderers persecute Christians, especially Catholics, who worship Jesus Christ as the Son of God, the Second Person of the Blessed Trinity.

"At Christmas, we commemorate the coming of Jesus Christ as true God and true Man, the Divine Person who assumed our human nature through his mother Mary."

Snyder added that, "Santa Claus for many represents the Christmas spirit, the spirit of giving. On this message, Santa uses force of arms to rescue Baby Jesus from a terrorist, to give the Infant protection and freedom from the terrorist. Governments and other entities worthy of respect appreciate the right and ability of individuals to use firearms to protect the innocent."

Right Wing Round-Up - 12/17/14

  • PFAW: Edit Memo: 2014 – A Year of Striking Success on Judicial Nominations.
  • Scott Kaufman @ Raw Story: GOP lawmaker: Women need man’s permission for abortion unless they can prove ‘legitimate rape.’
  • Rachel Ford @ Friendly Atheist: Torture is Okay, Because God Sanctioned Brutality in the Bible, Says Bryan Fischer.
  • Daniel Strauss @ TPM: Lawsuit: GOP Rep. Who Registered Blow-Me.org Had 'Wet Dreams' About Staffer.

  • Timothy Johnson @ Media Matters: NRA News Guest: Newtown Families Were "Extremely Irresponsible" To Sue NRA Corporate Donor That Made The Gun Used To Kill Their Family Members.

  • Charlie Joughin @ HRC Blog: Hypocrisy in Tallahassee: Twice-Divorced Pam Bondi Fights to Keep Same-Sex Couples from Marrying.

Right Wing Bonus Tracks - 12/17/14

  • NOM is trying to raise money off the fact that David Koch, who donates tens of millions of dollars to support conservative candidates, personally supports gay marriage.
  • Erica Wanis, a graduate of Patrick Henry College, says that "if indeed American college campuses are experiencing an epidemic of rape, then women must be willing to consider how their attitudes and behavior might be contributing to the problem."
  • There seems to be a backlash brewing on the LSU campus over the fact that it will be the site of Gov. Bobby Jindal's upcoming prayer rally with a bunch of anti-gay activists.
  • Bob Vander Plaats says Jeb Bush’s immigration reform support will be a "significant hurdle" for him to overcome "in a day where Ebola and ISIS have become household terms."
  • Obviously, the deadly hostage situation in Australia is a lot like "another hostage situation much closer to home": "America’s fundamental laws – the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, and the Bill of Rights – have been taken hostage by elected officials who desire to govern by their own self-proclaimed private ideologies, or by the agenda of special interest groups they are trying to please."
  • Finally, Glenn Beck loves his wife and his daughters, so clearly conservatives don't hate women.
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